Claire Kittle Dixon
Back in the day, my parents gave me a ton of dating advice.
And trust me when I tell you that I needed it. (Next time you see me at a social function, preferably one that serves copious amounts of alcohol, ask me to tell you about “Mean Dean” or “Mr. Insaneholtz”.)
We were just reminiscing the other day about all of the gems of relationship wisdom they shared. And as we talked about each one, it struck me how perfectly those bits of advice also apply to the hiring process.
And as surely as the sun will rise tomorrow, I never miss an opportunity to offer dating and hiring advice in one article! So, here are a few tidbits of my parents’ dating guidance adapted for hiring managers:
- Make sure you share the same values.
My parents wanted me to find a man who was grounded, had a functioning moral compass, and valued family. Perhaps most of all, my dad just didn’t want me to bring home a vegan progressive who might ruin every holiday gathering by droning on about colonialism. And isn’t this so true for hiring?You want someone who is mission-aligned with your organization.
I remember hearing about a liberty-oriented nonprofit that hired a VP of Human Resources who was, shall we say, more into Marxism than markets. The President who hired the VP didn’t seem to think it was a big deal at the time (after all, the VP had all of the skills and experience for the role). But within 18 months, the VP had brought in more than a half-dozen new employees who were also not aligned. Not surprisingly, that led to a watering down of the mission, a frustrated staff, and record-setting turnover. Thankfully, the President finally cleaned house, but not without learning a painful lesson: values alignment matters.
- Life and marriage are hard: marry someone you like being with day in and day out.
In a lot of ways, my parents are complete opposites. My mom is the Southern, prim and proper English teacher and my dad is the Midwestern, dirty-joke-telling engineer. But they just fit together. Mom laughs at dad’s jokes and dad tries really hard not to make grammatical errors. Even after decades of marriage and life’s curveballs, they still like hanging out with one another. That’s why it works.
And so it goes with staff! Finding someone who fits your organization’s culture is a non-negotiable.Case in point: a nonprofit executive recently lamented hiring a senior scholar who was values-aligned, brilliant…and a complete culture clash. While the scholar produced great work, he was constantly undermining the culture of respect and collaboration that the organization had spent years cultivating. The morale of those around him plummeted and they finally had to cut the scholar loose. As the executive told me, “It was the first time I hired someone I knew wasn’t a culture fit and I was just hoping it would work. But it turns out no amount of skill can overcome the culture disconnect.”
- Ask about the longevity of past relationships and why they didn’t work.
Is he thrice divorced? A commitment-phobe? A philanderer? Is he primarily the dumper or the dumpee? My father wanted me to ask all of these questions to a potential mate on our first date. But rest assured, if I didn’t, Dad would cover the topics over three fingers of Basil Haden with any poor guy I brought home.And these are not only great questions to ask on a date, but also during an interview. A candidate’s job history, tenures, and trajectory all matter!
Has the candidate jumped around from job to job with the frequency of a cheap ham radio? Are there long gaps in between gigs? Is there a logical career progression? Has the candidate taken on more (or less) responsibility with each role? Ask the candidate about job moves and don’t take surface-level answers. Dig in, especially where things don’t add up.
- Talk to his ex-girlfriends.
Why spend 5 years trying to figure out for yourself what you can learn in 30 minutes from someone who knows first-hand? Of course, you can’t easily ask your boyfriend for a list of his ex-girlfriends. And unless you’re a boil-the-bunny type, you probably don’t want to go snooping around on his phone for them. So, this bit of advice was never easy for me to follow.But you know what is easy? Asking a potential employee for a list of references!
Don’t just call references and ask throwaway questions. Drill down and try to get insight that will help you make the best decision. One of my favorite reference questions goes like this: “I am not expecting Bob to be perfect. But I do want to know where he might struggle or need help so that I can be prepared.” Believe it or not, this question is like a truth serum for references. I’ve gotten some of the best (and juiciest!) information with this one inquiry. And dang do I wish I had asked this of my exes’ exes.
- If you don’t like something about him now, you’re really going to dislike it 20 years into your marriage.
Of all of the advice I got from my parents, I think this is my favorite bit. Is he self-centered? Does he talk over you? Is he disrespectful?
And so it goes for hiring. If you see a potential problem in the interview process, don’t ignore it.Was the candidate slow to respond to communication during the interview process? Was the candidate cagey or evasive? Was he rude to your receptionist? As one client just told us, “We should have put more weight into the red flags we saw during the interview process. Those things came back to bite us in the keister.”
As always, Talent Market is here to discuss anything hiring-related with liberty-oriented nonprofits. Please let us know how we can help! And my parents are also available for an in-kind donation of bourbon.
